Posts tagged: relationships

Consenting Adults – Arkansas Court Allowing Student/Teacher Relationships

By , April 11, 2012 4:07 pm

Originally posted at In Our Words, reposted with permission.

As a teacher who works with children in middle and high school, I understand the relationships and intimacy which can develop between teachers and students. I’ve worked with some of my students for over a decade, seen them grow into confident young adults, and watched them go off to college. Some stay in touch, and some cross my mind from time to time as I wonder what they’re up to today. I hope I do a good job steering them in through tumultuous childhoods and teenage years, and aim to leave them better people than they were when the first came to work with me. I’m also a theatre instructor who generally sees my students once a week, so I have limited impact, but I can still dream of making a difference; I know how powerfully my teaches — even those I saw infrequently — affected my development into an adult.

All these thoughts crossed my mind as I heard that the Arkansas Supreme Court had struck down a law 4-3 which forbade teachers from engaging in sexual activity with students who were under the age of 21. I feel pretty strongly that behavior outside of one’s employment shouldn’t be a factor in how they’re viewed as an employee. I hate the stories of teachers who are fired for having drunk pictures show up on Facebook, and I think drug screening for applicants is inherently unjust and offensive. For me, as a transgender lesbian, it’s all too easy to imagine my “personal life” being viewed as offensive or unacceptable when it comes to my professional life. Indeed, I was fired from a teaching position for being trans, which has nothing to do with my ability to teach a class.

So, my gut reaction is that, yes, if the relationship (in this case between an 18 year old student and her 36 year old teacher) is legal outside of school, it should be legal in school. Continue reading 'Consenting Adults – Arkansas Court Allowing Student/Teacher Relationships'»

Self-indulgent post-date post

By , May 19, 2010 12:24 am

Yay date! She brought me a flower and told me I’m cute. (A shameless liar, but I’ll allow it.) We both said we’d like to see each other again, and called it a night. Here’s a photo of what I wore:



Small victories

By , April 14, 2010 6:43 pm

Today seemed to be a day of small victories, and the seeds of larger accomplishments.

First, I got a job interview! I haven’t talked a ton about my dissatisfaction with my current job. I’ll write a longer post at some point, but the short version is that I’m ready to move on. In spite of my job’s laid back atmosphere and a number of really great coworkers, there are some things about it that are driving me nuts and I think it’s time for something else. So on Monday I’ll be having a phone interview with another arts organization in Chicago for an admin position. Nifty!

Continue reading 'Small victories'»

Sex, please!

By , April 2, 2010 12:44 am

I’ve had a link sitting in my ‘To Write About’ folder for a while: Reclaiming trans sexualities: A personal manifesto of sorts, from over at Questioning Transphobia. I’ve been wanting to respond to it, but haven’t been sure where to start. The post itself talks about the tangled relationship between the sexual and the political for many trans people:

When I began talking [about what I liked doing, sexually] I didn’t discuss the things lovers have done I’ve really liked or dynamics which I find hot, instead I found myself explaining my sometimes difficult relationship with cissexual queer women as a group and as individuals, the fucked-up attitudes about trans women I’ve encountered in various communities, the mistrust I have because of the history trans women have with cissexual queers – all of the things I write about and do activism on which intersect with sex, but I had nothing to say about the actual sex I have or would like to have. I stopped myself and apologized for not answering the question, then sat back to consider this sudden disheartening awareness of how deeply my sexuality is entangled with the politics in which I am active.

This spoke to me because of what I’ve felt recently as an uphill climb toward finding a relationship. First, I’ve been socialized in the rituals of straight sexuality. I didn’t buy into them for myself, but I did end up with a peer group that is almost exclusively straight and cis. So while I see friends all around me meeting people, hooking up with people, being introduced to friends of friends, I feel kind of left out.

At some point in college, my high school friends and I constructed a ‘sex map.’ I think we used dotted lines for making out or hooking up, and solid lines for sex.

I was the lone dot.

Continue reading 'Sex, please!'»

The terrifying market

By , January 24, 2010 4:45 am

As of this weekend, I’m on the dating market for the first time in almost four years.*

That’s terrifying.

Continue reading 'The terrifying market'»

Pregnancy and PMS

By , December 23, 2009 11:46 am

I’ve joked before that one gauge of how my girl friends perceive my gender is how often/extensively they volunteer information about their period with me. That is, over the past year, I’ve gone from only very close friends rarely or occasionally mentioning their period, to all of my close girl friends (and a few of my female coworkers) mentioning their period or PMS at some point in the past few months.

Continue reading 'Pregnancy and PMS'»

Tis better to give than to receive

By , November 6, 2009 11:59 am

A friend of mine, Adam, recently got into something of an argument with one of his friends, Bob, over a third friend, Claire. (Ah, computer science naming schemes.) Adam, who has been interested in Claire for quite some time, had said something along the lines of, “I’d sure like to fuck Claire,” to Bob. This had made its way to Claire, by way of Bob, who was really pissed at Adam. Adam was likewise pissed at Bob, for having mentioned it o Claire in the first place.

(Confused yet? My friends have never been known for their lack of drama.

I was talking about this with my roommate last night. She was saying, basically, that Adam had been bogus and – even though it was a little shady that Bob told Claire, since he’s also interested in her – Claire was right to get really upset with Adam.

I, on the other hand, was saying that, yes, what Adam said is bogus. But the context is also really important, and I’d want to hear more before passing judgment; initially, I thought that Bob’s conflict-of-interest when it comes to Claire and Adam made his gossiping somewhat more obnoxious.

But then I remembered this post from July. And I realized that I’d been thinking about the situation from the perspective of being more likely to say, “I’d sure like to fuck her” than to have it said about me.

Continue reading 'Tis better to give than to receive'»

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By , February 20, 2009 9:43 pm

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Stressor like a dresser

By , January 27, 2009 11:49 am

Sorry for the title, but I couldn’t come up with a good rhyme… Although suggests ‘lesser,’ ‘professor,’ ‘successor,’ and ‘air compressor’ as possible alternatives… (Also, sorry for being remiss in posting. I think the big reason for that is all the stuff listed below.)

Anyway, I’ve been stressing: having trouble getting to sleep, feeling nervous and panic-y, all the stuff I was talking about in early December.

I realized one of the things that helped me then was listing all the stressors, so I figured I’d try that again now:

  • Relationship/transitioning issues with G
  • Feeling like I don’t have enough time for all the things in my life and for myself. ‘All the things in my life’ includes:
    • Monday: Therapy
    • Tuesday: Workshop rehearsal for the piece I’m directing (and now, conflicting, a weekly theatre thing with friends)
    • Wednesday: Trans youth group
    • Thursday: Workshop class I’m teaching (starts next week)
    • Friday: Blissfully nothing, and the stress of using downtime ‘well’
    • Saturday: A class I’m taking; more Workshop rehearsal
    • Sunday: Rehearsal for a friend’s recital piece that I don’t really want to do but am doing as a favor to her
    • (And, of course, a full-time job)
  • Money, specifically paying off hair removal (3/4 of the way there, but I want it off my back)
  • Buying a new wardrobe (partially linked to ‘money’; I have, like, six or seven tops that I can reasonably wear to work that I just keep cycling through)
  • Feeling insecure in the transition (to be the subject of a longer post, one of these days)

Boo! Stress, stress, go away, and don’t come back another day!


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