Unfortunately, it’s of stresses, not of how I judge the children I’ve been spying on all year long. (A subject for another post!)
- Transitioning at my full-time job, because I still need to talk to my occasionally-less-than-sane bosses (who I’m out to, but who I doubt have thought about the ramifications of my being trans…)
- Transitioning at my part-time job, because even though I’ve been there for a million years (first as a student, now as a teacher) and the staff and artistic director are being crazy-supportive, their board of directors is being somewhat weird. I think it’s out of trying to protect everyone involved – me, the rest of the staff, the students, their parents, and the organization as a whole – but meeting being told they met with a labor lawyer still doesn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy…
- How all of the transitioning stuff affects G and I. This is stressing me less than it had been, since we’re talking about things now, rather than always Talking about Things.
- G and my relationship, having nothing to do with transitioning – she’s working on a show right now and we haven’t had much time together. Also better than it has been, but I’m still ready for her show to be done.
- Stress at work having nothing to do with transitioning, but due to my (again) occasionally-less-than-sane bosses and, among other things, the new website that was supposed to launch yesterday and did not.
- Dealing with the theatre company some friends and I started last year and trying to figure out A) what I can contribute (currently I’m not contributing much) and B) what I need to get out of it (currently I’m not getting much out of it either)
Phew! No wonder I’ve been stressed!
I’ve been thinking about transitioning at work. I’m out to everyone where I work, but the situation is made slightly more complicated because I work full time in one office which is down the hall from the office running the organization where I teach part time, both of which are in a building filled with other offices of people I’m on a first-name basis with.
I’ve been talking with the teacher I’m assisting at the Workshop, SB, about coming out to our high school class, which we both think will be smooth because they’re pretty awesome. As part of that process, I talked with the artistic director of the Workshop for a while today, JG, and she basically said, “We support you 100%, so lets figure out the best/smoothest way to do this.”
Continue reading 'Transitioning at work'»
I hesitate to write this post when things are actually going pretty well, but feel like I need to if I want to work through some of it…
When I started transitioning I knew it would be hard work. Hard physical work, like the excruciatingly painful and horribly expensive hair removal, and hard emotional work, like changing how I interact with friends and loved ones.
What I didn’t really think about were all the little ways in which it would wear me down.
Things like having people I barely know feel that they then get to make assumptions and judgments about me (not even necessarily negative ones!) because they know I’m trans. Like Jack, whose brother and brother’s wife were both trans, so even though I just met him he felt completely comfortable asking me how long I’ve been on hormones. And, damn me for not thinking ahead, I told him instead of giving a noncommittal answer to indicate it was none of his business. An answer like “trans people go on hormones for the rest of their life” or “none of your bloody business, person-I-just-met.”
Continue reading 'Sometimes it’s exhausting'»
I was recently accepted into a mentorship program with a gay performance artist (he’s the mentor) and two other mentees, with the goal of developing queer solo performance. (As the title indicates, I’m excited about this, but also somewhat terrified…) Anyway, I thought I’d share my application, somewhat edited to remove some identifying information
Why Solo Performance?
When I was thirteen I crept into my parent’s room and tried on my mom’s black one-piece bathing suit, inflating my flat chest with socks and tucking my penis between my legs. Had I been asked, had a surprised family member burst in and wondered what the hell I thought I was doing, I could not have provided a good answer. Ten years later, now one year into hormone replacement therapy and exploring the identities of ‘transgender,’ ‘transsexual,’ ‘lesbian,’ and ‘queer,’ I no longer need to stuff my bra with socks but I am still searching for an answer to that most powerful of questions: What the hell do I think I am doing? Continue reading 'I have to perform, like, in public?'»
Last night, after the Company’s performance at the Workshop, some of the other teachers and I went back to SP’s house with SP, SB, and MM for some wine and to talk about how things had gone. JP had come to the performance, so we talked for a while about what she thought, what we thought, what went well, what didn’t, and so on. I’d already come out to SB a while back, and she was (of course) awesome about it. She and I had talked about a lot of things relating to gender and politics and life (in fact, some of what we talk about prompted me to begin trying to keep this record of my experiences during my transition). We also talked about how I can explore my transition through art, and possibly use the Workshop to do that, but that’s a conversation for another time…
Continue reading 'Women always laugh at the same point'»
I recently came out to the teachers, the board, and my highschool student’s parents at the Workshop and the board and teachers at my full-time job. Here are some of the responses I’ve received…
From a parent who, honestly, I was worried would be a problem:
Please forward to R:
You have our support and and respect and we wish you well on your journey. You are a very brave person and we thank you for all you have taught our children about theater and about life. We teach our children to embrace everyone and to always be true to theirselves. Have a great holiday season. Sending you tons of support….
The X Family
From a fellow teacher:
Rock on, R!
I am honored to know you, R! You are the first person of my acquaintance to transition, and I am in awe of the courage and commitment to self your transitioning represents.
Continue reading 'Responses to coming out'»