Hitachi wasn’t thrilled about being directly associated with an iconic sex toy so, as of 2013, it’s now (officially) the Original Magic Wand.
Its been a month since I last wrote about sex, and considerably longer since I’ve reviewed anything. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone by discussing how my sexual response has changed almost a year after surgery and by reviewing one of the most well known sex toys around: The
Hitcachi Original Magic Wand. This is a sex toy with a 46 year old lineage, a 5000 word Wikipedia article with almost 80 references, a guest appearance on Louie, and a humorous Twitter account. Not surprisingly, the Magic Wand has garnered lots of reviews over the years. A Google search for magic wand review brings up almost four million results ranging from Amazon customers to Autostraddle. There’s even a pair of great write ups by Zinnia Jones on using the Magic Wand as a trans woman. The first is an in-depth review of and guide to using Magic Wand attachments, while the second is a much shorter piece with some specific suggestions for first time users. With all that awesome info out there, what could I possibly have to add to the plethora of reviews, interviews, and articles?
Well, the ‘review’ section of this post is actually gonna be pretty short. In fact, it’s gonna be so short I’ve decided to craft it as a haiku:
Well crafted sex toy
Powerful betwixt my legs
Loud like crashing waves
Continue reading 'Review: Original (Hitachi) Magic Wand (with bonus discussion of post-op orgasms and sex graphs)'»
One of the many reasons I like having a blog is that it gives me a platform to talk about sex. I’ve attempted to define feminist porn, I’ve reviewed sex toys (albeit not for a while – stay tuned on that front), and I’ve bitched about 50 Shades of Grey. The comfort and experience discussing sex and sexuality that have stemmed from writing this blog were absolutely on my mind when I worked with Early to Bed to create a sexytime guide for trans women and our partners. (Stay tuned there, too – I’m working on revisions and updates.) But I haven’t talked about sex much since December, and The Surgery. I don’t apologize for that gap (goddess knows I needed time to process) but I am conscious of it. And, as I’ve continued healing and masturbating and hooking up, I’ve been thinking more about myself and how my new and reconfigured body works. In particular, I’ve been thinking about sexytime communication, and how things have changed since The Surgery.
Pre-op, I intuitively assumed that there’d need to be a Talk with every new sexual partner. At the very least, there was an expectation of disclosure. Without getting too into the question of whether or not trans people are obligated to disclose their transness (and I think the answer is no, we aren’t obligated) I do think it makes things simpler to disclose. There’s less of a risk of physical or emotional violence, certainly. It also just removes a potential bump in the road: even if a partner is enthusiastic about sleeping with a trans person, they almost certainly have unconscious expectations about what’s going to be between a man or a woman’s legs. Not meeting those expectations may be surprising (even if it’s not bad) and I’d rather skip that kind of surprise when getting undressed with a partner. Continue reading 'Sexytime communication, pre- and post-op'»
As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been working on a sex guide for trans women and their partners, titled Trans Women + Sex = Awesome. The current version is available for free online at Early to Bed. I’m trying to figure out what would make sense as a long-term home, as well as how to create a print addition. (Any suggestions on either of those projects is, of course, most welcome.) Earlier this month, Trans Women + Sex = Awesome was picked up by Autostraddle, which led to some awesome exposure, including a shout-out from Crash Pad on Twitter (squee!). One response, however, has given me the most food for thought, and I felt like it deserved more than 140 characters of consideration. Specifically, a post from Viva La Luna titled So You Can Fuck Us, What’s Next? // Going Beyond Sex With Trans Women.
For all the shit trans women experience as a broad community, Luna says, trans women of color (TWOC) have it even worse off. It would be stupid to argue with that position. Across every survey and study I’ve seen, TWOC are the most targeted group for hate speech, violence, and sexual assault, not to mention the most likely to suffer issues of homelessness and unemployment. We live in a racist society, and that racism is only made worse when overlapped with societal and interpersonal transphobia. But Luna draws upon her experiences to respond to Trans Women + Sex = Awesome and Mira Bellwether’s Fucking While Trans, and to bring race into how we discuss trans sex and sexuality.
I’m thrilled to have her voice in the conversation, and honestly embarrassed to admit that issues of race and racism had not crossed my mind while writing Trans Women + Sex = Awesome.
Continue reading 'Trans women, sex, and race'»
I did it: I read 50 Shades of Grey. At least, I read most of it. I couldn’t make myself read every single line of every single page, but I got through the trilogy. I forced myself to read ’em because I wanted to be able to talk at least somewhat intelligently when they came up in conversation, and to respond from my own personal opinions (and not just what I’ve heard others say about them).
They were pretty bad.
The writing was mediocre. It wasn’t the worst writing I’ve ever read, but certainly far from the best. It was self indulgent and repetitious, though. Lots of “my nipples elongated” and “he cupped my sex” (seriously, those specific phrases) and the like. But before I get to what worried me about the books – worried me as a feminist and as someone who enjoys BDSM – I want to talk about the few things I did like.
Last weekend, I was in Toronto at the Feminist Porn Awards and the first day of the Feminist Porn Conference. I managed to snag tickets from a friend who had won them as a raffle, and basically told me, “If you can get to Toronto, you can join me at the awards and conference!” Well, obviously I took her up on that. The awards were a ton of fun, and it was interesting seeing an industry celebrating itself like any other. But the conference really got me thinking about issues of porn and feminism, so I figured I’d organize and share my thoughts a bit.
The biggest question that came up as I was getting ready to leave – from friends and family and people on Facebook – was, “Um, what is feminist porn, exactly?”
I recently taught Trans 101 to a seventh grade class in the Chicago suburbs. It was a great experience, but they had some questions – submitted on slips of paper – that I didn’t have time to answer.
When you were a boy did you date women?
One of the things we talked about in the workshop was how gender (and gender identity) are not the same thing as sexuality. That is, there are some boys attracted to other boys, and some attracted to girls, and some to both, or neither or whatnot. So not all trans people – trans men and women – are attracted to the same genders.
For me, I was attracted to women before I transitioned. (I’m say “before I transitioned” instead of “when I was a boy,” because I never felt like a boy, even if that’s how people saw me.) That attraction was kind of confusing, though, because society told me I must be ‘normal’: I looked like a boy, my body was developing ‘normally,’ and I was attracted to women. Why would I possibly want to transition, if I could be a normal (straight) boy?
Well, it’s because gender and sexuality are complicated, and they’re not the same thing. Yes, it would have been simpler if I could ‘just be a normal boy,’ but I wasn’t, and I’m not. Continue reading 'Questions from seventh graders'»
I’m currently writing a short guide about trans women’s sexuality, titled Trans Women + Sex = Awesome. I’m having tons of fun writing it, and look forward to sharing it with the world in the next few weeks. In the meantime, I need your help!
Writing the guide has been tons of fun, if for no other reason than it gave me an excuse to talk about sex with my friends. (As if I needed an excuse…) One friend, while reading a draft section, mentioned a sex act I wasn’t familiar with. Here’s how they described it:
[I can be stimulated] at the base of my penis, just behind my scrotum and just ‘below’ my prostate. It’s basically in the exact spot where a vagina would be, which makes a lot of sense if you think about ‘sex differentiation’ and hormones and development and such (there are a lot of homologous structures).
After some research, my friend discovered that this act is entering the deep perineal pouch, and stimulates the bulb of the penis.
But what do you call this sex act? My friend simply calls it “fucking,” as that’s the term that works for them. But – like Fucking Trans Women did with muffing – I think this sex act deserves a name all of its own. Thoughts?
Sorry that this is being posted a little later than is seasonally appropriate, but I’ve been busy healing! I also tried to broadly keep the rhythm, but offer no apologies for when I failed.
On the first day of post-op my doctor gave to me:
Instructions not to move a degree
On the second day of post-op my Doctor gave to me:
Two heavy drugs
And instructions not to move a degree
On the third day of post-op my doctor gave to me
Three calls from friends
Two heavy drugs
And instructions not to move a degree Continue reading 'The 12 Days of Post-Op'»
Chocolate cake. Biking. Masturbation. Netflix binges. Sex. Pleasure.
Walking down the street and catching someone checking me out.
Walking down the street and blending into the crowd completely, without the slightest effort.
Embodied pleasure of sex and skin and liquid and lube and straps and crops and dildos and plugs and hands and feet and lips and lips and teeth and biting and losing my mind losing my mind closer losing closer crying out in sweet relief crying thrashing building building crying heaving sweating collapsing panting cuddling cuddling done.
Being a ghost. Fading in and out of view. Looking down and seeing my ghost breasts and long smooth ghost legs and red ghost fingers, running my ghost tongue over ghost lipstick and feeling the weight of ghost eyeliner and shadow. Fading into view as I walk up the stairs to the L or find a friend’s arm around my waist or over my shoulder. Awareness of my ghost cock between my legs, sometimes ruining the moment and sometimes completing it, my own secret joke, a gendered jack-in-the-box waiting to scare small children and douchey bros in Wrigleyville.
My pleasure is always guilty, guilty pleasure. With the possible exception of a sweaty workout, my pleasure always wonders if it’s too indulgent, too selfish, too unhealthy or exhausting or expensive or prurient or sensational. My pleasure wonders if I’m deserving. Which is why so much of my pleasure is the pleasure of escape: the pleasure of cumming. The pleasure of media binges. The pleasure of sleeping in or sleep deprivation.
I recently wrote a post, I’m Scared, in which I talked about my fears relating to my upcoming gender reassignment surgery. (Shameless donation plug: Please donate!) The post was really important for me to write, and has helped me internalize and work through some of the fears that I have. (Some of them remain scary, and will continue to be scary until I’m through them and they’re OK.) But I also wanted to take time to focus on what I’m excited about, what I’m looking forward to, and what is going to be awesome about having surgery.
I’m excited about having a body that will ‘fit.’ A body I can bathe in the shower without having extra dangly bits. A body that will be hugged by form-fitting clothing, without unseemly bulging. I’m excited about shopping for that clothing, trying on dresses and skirts and pants (and the dreaded yoga pants!) and feeling like they were designed for my body, and vice versa.
I’m excited about exploring my new body. I’m dreading dilation, yes, but I’m also excited by it. About having this new part – constructed from the old – that offers new opportunities for pleasure and simply for comfort. I’m excited about getting to know my new anatomy, its rounded parts and squishy bits and how it fits with the rest of me. Continue reading 'I’m Excited!'»