A few weeks ago I wrote I Want to be Empty. It was, shall we say, not my most optimistic or positive of posts. I’m still kind of in a slump, and having a tough time getting out of it, but I thought a followup post might be in order. A post that, if not exactly positive, was at least looking in a forward direction. So, without further ado…
I want to be full.
Full of pride. Pride in my appearance, in my voice, in my presentation, in myself. Pride in who I am, day after day, and who I can be.
Full of contentment. Contentment in the choices I have made, am making, and will make. Contentment at being surrounded by friends and family who accept me, who love me.
Full of joy. Joy of life, of love, of sex, of biking past the lake on the way to work and seeing the horizon. Joyful laughter pushing past my teeth and exploding out my lips.
Full of confidence. Confidence in my ability to get up, get dressed, put on makeup, do my hair, speak on the phone, walk down the street, look and feel and act the way I imagine myself able to do.
I want to feel these emotions bubbling up inside me, rising like the tide, fizzing and popping with carbonation. Strengthening bone and muscle and sinew as they pass, until I am filled with light and ready to fly away like a bird.
I want to take in the world through eyes able to focus outward, too see and be seen.