Children’s Games

By , August 12, 2008 11:27 pm

When I was a child it – I must have been 6 or 7 or 8 (certainly younger than 10, for my family had not yet moved for the first time) – I remember playing a ‘make belive’ game with SB. I don’t remember the specifics, mainly just running around the park behind my house, going ujp and down the small hill and playing on the playground. I think we were searching for something, or hunting for something, or being hunted by something. Perhaps we were spys?

I do remember that, at some point in the make belive, I was transformed into a girl. SB had to rescue me, but I don’t think ‘rescue’ meant ‘transform me back,’ just ‘free me from the bad guys.’ I remember it being important (for some pre-puberty, gender-affirming reason) for me to be naked on the bed in my room, my penis tucked between my legs in a hairless V.

I told him not to tell his mom, but he told anyway and I was told that was not a good way to play and being naked with each other wasn’t OK. (At least, that’s what i remember being told, so many years later.)

But the part that was actually important – not the nudity but the gender – was never mentioned. I don’t know if he even told his mom about that part, or if she told my mom. But in retrospect I feel like yelling at my in-the-past-mom, “The point isn’t that I didn’t want to be clothed! The point is I didn’t want to be clothed and have a penis!


2 Responses to “Children’s Games”

  1. Tim says:

    R! Wow, this is really a powerful childhood memory! Keep this near.


  2. […] identity as trans hasn’t really centered around genitals. Sure, I’ve fantasized about what I’d look like without a penis from a pretty young age, but my concept of myself as a boy or a girl didn’t pertain exclusively around what is or […]

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