MG has been in this past weekend (and a little last week) for wedding prep and bridal shower stuff for SH’s upcoming fall wedding, and has given me a big shot of confidence. I’m generally feeling better about lots of stuff, so everything sort of collectively seems less scary, but MG said some specific comments about how I was looking (like guessing my weight 15 pounds below what it actually is!) that really just made me feel good about myself. We also went shopping for some clothing (at Target! ooooh, classy) just so my closet wasn’t so androgynous (at best…)
Likewise, I went out some this weekend in explicitly feminine clothing and it felt good. I even got included in a collective ‘ladies’ tonight after going to the beach and decidedly not looking feminine…
So yeah. I’m starting the mentorship thing tomorrow, culminating in a group performance next Sunday and solo performance in November (so far away!) so I’ll definitely post on how it goes. But although I’m still a little terrified – about presenting myself as R artistically and just presenting myself artistically, period, and just presenting presenting myself as R, period – I’m feeling lots better about all three of those things.
Hopefully I’ll still feel the same way after the first meeting tomorrow!
I realized recently that, while my least favorite part of testoserone poisoning is the mode changes and general mopiness, the most irritable part is the way my sexuality seems to be pouring out my eyeballs at the moment. That is, I’ve noticed over the past month that I’m tracking attractive women in a way that I haven’t done in over a year.
(And may not have been doing before I went on hormones; I certainly wasn’t aware of it at the time and am only aware of it now because it feels so overpowering compared to the much more palatable relation to my sexuality I had on hormones. That said, I readily admit I may have been visually tracking women consistently before going on hormones, and just didn’t notice the urge to do so decreading.)
Continue reading 'Shifty eyes!'»
Feel free to ignore this post if you’re not a computer geek and/or have no interest in computer geekery…
I use Ubuntu as my only OS on my desktop and my primary OS on my laptop (where XP is still installed as a secondary OS ‘Just In Case’) and I wanted to take a moment to sing Ubuntu’s praises.
First, with the exception of get newer video games to work, I can do everything I could imagine on Windows and, in some cases, more. I can watch DVDs, videos online, listen to music, transfer songs to my used iPod mini, etc, etc, etc. I have Azureus (well, now Vuze) automatically downloading TV shows I like via torrent RSSes, and the video files shared to my XBox with XBMC through Ubuntu’s Samba server so I can watch ’em on the TV in the living room. I can rip DVDs via DVDShrink through Wine, and burn the resulting ISOs with Ubuntu’s file manager. (Something Windows still can’t manage, grr.)
(The video games are a function of my old video card not having good drivers, something I hope to rectify by the end of the summer by upgrading. I could buy the components of my current computer, which I bought new for about $1000 about 3 years ago, for about $400. I think spending $200 for a new mobo, RAM, CPU, and video card isn’t too shabby.)
Continue reading 'In which I geek out'»