By , March 27, 2008 3:57 am

I’m feeling very frustrated with my body right now. I just got back from rehearsal for the show I’m in, which is very much a circus show. I’ve known that estrogen and transitioning wouldn’t be kind to male muscle mass, but working on this show has really bee the first place where I’ve seriously felt it. Sure, it’s one thing to say, “Oh, I couldn’t carry all the bags of groceries up in one trip” or “Oh, this luggage seems heavier than I think it should be,” but I feel like I was letting down the director and the rest of the cast tonight by not being able to perform to the level that I expected I could going into the show. And, even though I’m out to the director and he’s awesome and has been nothing but understanding, I know he cast me with the knowledge of my non-hormoned body’s skill set, and my body right now is just not up to the task

I also know that I just got back from Paris and have been up for 22 hours, but I know my performance tonight wasn’t primarily caused by that…

Unrelated, there’s a much longer post brewing in the back of my mind about gender and its performance and stuff I thought about on the plane, but it’ll have to wait until another time…

One Response to “Circus”

  1. […] been almost exactly a year since I posted about feeling frustrated during rehearsals for the show I was in because I no longer had the muscle mass I was used to. […]

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